Finding My Golden Lasso

Today is the day I go for the colposcopy. I didn’t sleep well and am trying to fight off those damned panic attacks. 

There are several things I fear in life: heights (where there are no protective barriers to keep me from falling off the edge), snakes, getting the gas pedal stuck and having no breaks.

And anything gynecological. 

You’d think that after having had 18 staples put in to seal up an abdominal hysterectomy and a catheter the length of the Mississippi River, this would be a piece of cake. Well, I wasn’t awake when all that happened. 

It feels so invasive. So impersonal. I always have to tell my doc that I don’t handle these types of things very well. It makes me feel like such an idiot. But some scars are hard to heal. 

So, I sit here in my “front porch meditation room/office”, drinking from the Wonder Woman cup. Would be so nice to be able to take my golden lasso and wrangle this fear into submission today. 

And as long as I don’t drive off a bridge because the gas pedal gets stuck or I don’t step on a snake in the parking lot on the way to check in, then I guess half the battle has been won. 


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